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Practical ways to help people who live with complex dissociative conditions to feel safe

Practical ways to help people who live with complex dissociative conditions to feel safe. 
Adapted from those attending the FPP Members Open Meeting held on 4th April 2009,

  • Carers, supporters, friends, family, professionals to understand the huge importance of consistency, stability, structure, routine and predictability needed by us in our day to day living in order to feel safe. No surprises please. 

  • Carers, supporters, friends, family, professionals to relate with understanding to us as human beings, to trust us and be non judgemental. 

  • Supporters and professionals to be aware and to keep within appropriate boundaries (which those with dissociation find hard) and keep the correct balance between professionalism and friendliness. 

  • Carers, supporters, friends, family, professionals, after discussion and agreement with you, know what to do for your own safety. 

  • Carers, supporters, friends, family, professionals to be real, as defensiveness back from others causes inner chaos and can bring on a sense of being unreal. This can cause us to start on an invisible downward spiral. 

  • Carers, supporters, friends, family, professionals to hold your hope when you cannot. 

  • Having someone who is close and knows you well, who can keep you safe, when your own sense of self is lost can be vital in times of crisis.

  • Always keep with you special objects or grounding aids that they can use to help self-soothing. 

  • Cater for all those headmates who need you to be there for each of them and trust you to look after them. They are likely to have differing needs

  • Relate to the headmate that is out. 

  • Putting in place, and encourage when appropriate, items to help them be organised, keep track of events e.g. diary, notebook, and whiteboard. 

  • To plan backup strategies to help with daily living when things are not too good. 

  • Encourage to leave permanent messages around their home, e.g. “You are safe here.” 

  • Give plenty of notice of upcoming events whenever possible and on a good day help them put in place as much preparation as you can. 

  • Understand that for some headmates keeping the system safe can sometimes mean having no choice to end it all if it feels impossible.

  • Being aware of potential tiggers and having available objects that different parts might need at times of distress. 

  • Being realistic and realising safety is not always possible. 

  • Checking out as much as possible details of places/events etc so can avoid known triggers. 

  • Having a clear crisis plan written down and given and understood to all carers, supporters, friends, family, professionals who have a need to know. 

  • Ensuring trusted others are sensitive to knowing if they are “losing it” they are trusting that what you will respond and react the way they would want you to.

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